I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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