I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
