Your tits are I can't wait for
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
