She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
