i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
