You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
