If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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