Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
