areolas are like halos for boobs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
