I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
