My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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