forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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