Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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