I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
