Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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