3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
