Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
