before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
