I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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