You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
