oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
