Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
