I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
