Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
