Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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