Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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