on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
