my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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