Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
