My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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