I didn't shave. On purpose
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
