I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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