if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just had sex bonerless
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And then he peed in my hair
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