let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
