I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
