There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
