PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
