Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
