i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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