Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
