You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He kissed a someone with a penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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