his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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