nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
