was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
