Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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