if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
