Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
