and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
