Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
