Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
