I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
