did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
