I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
