i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
